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June 10, 2011


Dear Mom:

It is with great regret that I am writing you.  I had to elope with my girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you.  I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am.  But she’s not only the passion of my life Mom, she is pregnant.  Stacy said that we will be very happy.  She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.  We share a dream of having many more children.  Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone.  We will be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.  In the meantime, we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better.  She deserves it.

Don’t worry, Mom.  I’m 15 and I know how to take care of myself.  Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,

Your Son Jon

P.S. Mom, none of the above is true.  I’m over at Tommy’s house.  I just wanted to
remind you that there are worse things in life than thereport card that’s in mycenter desk drawer.  Love you……Call mewhen it’s safe to come home.

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